The Purpel People/Rise Of The Purpel People
(RNW Original Logo) (Purp Purpington Purple is at ZENLabs, building a strange robot) Purp: This is it... My ultimate creation... (Lighting flashes in the background) Purp: THE PURPINATOR 5.0! Larry: You said that about the first 4 versions. Purp: Well, this one is different! This version's got the latest POS, faster AI processors, and to top it all off, a set of plasma laser cannons! This could be the invention that finally brings world peace! Larry: And if it malfunctions? Purp: It could bring... World destruction. Larry: That's quite dangerous. Purp: Dangerous is my middle name! Larry: Your middle name is Purpington. Purp: Ah, whatever. (Purp finishes constructing the robot and stands in front of it, ready to turn it on) Purp: It's time to see what this thing can do! (Larry hides behind a table) (Purp presses a button on the side of the robot and it blares the Mac startup jingle) Purpinator 5.0: GREETINGS. I AM THE PURPINATOR 5.0. WHO ARE YOU? Purp: I'm your creator, Purp! You have to follow all my orders. Purpinator 5.0: OKAY. WHAT IS MY FIRST ORDER? Purp: To, uh... (Larry is still hiding behind a table) Purp: Bring me some orange juice? Purpinator 5.0: OKAY. LOCATING ORANGE JUICE... Purp: I think the cafeteria's just down the hall... Purpinator 5.0: ORANGE JUICE LOCATED. HYPERDRIVE ACTIVATED. Purp: WAIT WHAT??? Purpinator 5.0: I AM HEADED TO THE PLANET CITRUSON. IT WILL BE LONG JOURNEY. Purp: Dude, there's orange juice just down the hallway! Purpinator 5.0: LAUNCHING IN T-MINUS 10... 9... Purp: NO! NO DON'T DO IT! ZENLABS WILL BE DESTROYED IN THE BLAST! (Larry crouches behind the table) Purpinator 5.0: 8... 7... Purp: NO! ABORT ABORT ABORT ABORT- Purpinator 5.0: IT IS TOO LATE. THE HYPERDRIVE HAS ALREADY BEEN ACTIVATED. 6... 5... Purp: ABORT ABORT ABORT ABORT ABORT- Purpinator 5.0: 4... 3... (Purp jumps up and hits the power button) Purpinator 5.0: 2... 1... LIFT-OFF......... (Purpinator 5.0 collapses and falls on the floor) Purp: ...Phew. (Purpinator 5.0 explodes, sending Purp and Larry flying) (Purp wakes up and climbs out of the wreckage of ZENLabs) Purp: Ugh... That didn't go so well... (Purp looks around: The labratory is completely destroyed) Purp: Not so well at all! (Employees are climbing out of the wreckage, including Larry. Purp runs over to him) Purp: Larry! Are you okay? Larry: Yep, I'm fine. But look at the lab! Purp: I saw. It's fine! We can just rebuild it again! Larry: ...Not this time, Purp. Purp: What? Larry: Let's face it, ZENLabs is just a huge health and safety hazard. Purp: Well, it's MY health and safety hazard, and I'm gonna rebuild it, with or without you! Right, guys? (The other employees are silent) Larry: Anyway, I hear Flowda Co has been hiring lately... (The employees cheer and crowd around Larry) Purp: Wait, you can't all just leave! Larry (O.S): Yes, we can. (Larry is now driving a huge double decker bus. The employees pile into it) Larry: To Flowda Co! Purp: No, please! What am I gonna do now? Larry: I honestly don't care. See ya, Purp. (The bus drives off into the horizon, with the employees chanting) Employees: FLOWDA CO! FLOWDA CO! FLOWDA CO! FLOWDA CO! FLOWDA CO! FLOWDA CO! (The bus disappears and Purp is left alone in the wreckage of ZENLabs) Purp: Rude. (Purp sighs) Purp: Well, guess I’ve gotta find a new place to live. (Purp walks down a street full of houses. He pauses at a grand mansion with a “For Sale” sign.) Purp: Ooh, this place looks nice. (Purp is on the phone) Purp: 10 BILLION POUNDS!? (A squeaky voice can be heard on the other side of the phone) Purp: Go to hell. (hangs up) (In the background, a shadowy figure is leaning against a wall. They notice Purp and walk over to him) ????: Hey, is everything okay? Purp: (notices ????) Oh, it’s just this house I’m interested in. It’s 10 billion pounds. ????: You’re looking for a new house? Purp: Yep. ????: Well, there’s that old house nearby... Purp: An old house? ????: Yes. Whoops, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m the Poffer Lord, leader of the Poffers. Purp: Poffers? Poffer Lord: ...I’ll explain later. Purp: Well. I’m Purp Purpington Purple, former head scientist of ZENLabs. Anyway, where’s the house? Poffer Lord: It’s just down this street, I think. (Cut to the two looking at the abandoned house; Purp is shocked) Purp: You didn’t tell me it was THAT old! (Meanwhile, a purple balloon wearing a headset is playing Overwatch) ????: Come on! Why aren’t you pushing the payload!? Oh great, now Mercy’s dead! Who the hell is gonna heal me now, since I’m carrying this whole fricking team??? (The camera zooms out to reveal the inside of a gaming cafe) Cafe Worker: ...We’re closed. Can you please leave? (The balloon floats out of the gaming cafe, and flies down the street, pausing when they see Purp and Poffer Lord looking at the old house) ????: ...What are those guys doing by the abandoned house? (???? floats over to the two) ????: Hello? Purp: (to Poffer Lord) Well, it’s not ideal, but it’s quite cheap... (notices ????) Oh, hi! ????: You want to purchase the creepy old house? Purp: Well, yeah. I’m quite low on cash. Poffer Lord: It could definitely do with refurbishment. (turns to ????) By the way, I’m the Poffer Lord, leader of the Poffers. Purp: And I’m Purp Purpington Purple, former scientist of ZENLabs. ????: Nice to meet you two. I’m Poison Balloon. Purp: A balloon? Don’t balloons live in the sky? Poison Balloon: Most of them do. Anyway, about that house... Are you really planning to refurbish it? Purp: Yes, I am. Poison Balloon: Well, I’d be happy to help. That big abandoned mess was an eyesore. Poffer Lord: Yeah, me too. Purp: Thanks, you two! Well then, let’s get started! (Purp starts to run towards the house) Poffer Lord: ...Wait, you actually need to buy the house first. Purp: Oh yeah, whoops... Category:The Purpel People